“We’re always thinking that someday we’ll be happy.
You know, we’ll get that car or that job or that person in our lives
that’ll fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and it’s a condition,
not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry. It’s not permanent.
It comes and goes, and that’s okay. And I feel like if people thought of
it that way, they’d find happiness a lot more often.”
If you were to ask me how I am, my response is typically "good." Its not that I'm necessarily happy with how everything in my life is, its just not bad enough I feel the need to complain about it. If you asked me how I am today, I would tell you I still feel a little broken. But I'm figuring out its okay to not be happy all the time, its okay to have good days, and its okay to bad days too.
We have this idea that there's such a thing as perfection and there's not. There are certain aspects of my life that are remarkable, and others that just make me go into a panic because I feel like they're spiraling out of control. I can't control how things turn out all the time, I just can't. Its hard for me to hear because when I have my mind set on something, I don't just want it, I want it done right, nearly perfect. So when I'm having my not so good days I struggle even more. Because as much as I want something or need it even, I can't control how other people react or feel for that matter, making the situation the opposite of perfect.
I'm trying to find a balance between my happiness and everyone else's. My brother isn't graduating like we all had hoped so I of course blame? Myself. But I shouldn't, he is his own person. I guess I'm still a little lost and trying to find my way. I'll get there, eventually. I just need to keep reminding myself that things aren't always going to go my way, and that its okay to be sad every once in a while.