Time.
Its really is a crazy concept to grasp.
365 days in a year, 52 weeks.
7 days in a week, 24 hours in a day.
60 minutes in an hour & 60 seconds in a minute.
One year seems like eternity in the moment.
Break it down, & its nothing.
Someone breaks your heart and the only thing you can do is give it time, move on, and eventually the pieces start to heal themselves. Someone close to you passes and that pain feel is unbearable in the moment, but as time goes on, life starts to become a little easier, hurt less. That anger you once felt towards someone starts to dwindle the longer they've been out of your life, it all becomes a blur and you forget why you were even mad in the first place. Time really has the ability to heal all things.
I've always felt like there was a reason I needed to come to Dixie. It was the plan right after high school and I had everything set for me to go that fall. I had my dorm ready to go and knew the girls I was going to live with, I had my classes picked out and me being me, I up and moved to Seattle. Then, while I was living New York I had this gut feeling to go to Dixie, again. It took a lot of second guessing myself but I finally did it, I'm here and I couldn't be happier with my decision. If you know me, you know I have the hardest time staying in once place for longer than 6 months, let alone a year. August 15th will be my year mark. I didn't think I could do it, and honestly I almost didn't. There were multiple occasions I almost packed up my bags and ran off to find a new adventure. But I finally broke the cycle that was on repeat, I stayed.
This last year has been hectic to say the least, but educational. I've found that day by day I'm changing. My expectations and wants are
completely different than they were even a month ago. Circumstances
change, feelings change and we have to decide at the end of the day
where we are gonna go from here. As I grow I'm understanding just how temporary things really are. Literally, everything. I've found that being sad happens but it doesn't stay. Friends come and they go, and to stop dwelling on useless drama because its just not worth it. Boys are replaceable. Seriously, there's a million more out there. I understand that all of this will become a memory someday but its up to me to make it a life worth watching. Its up to me to decide whats worth the pain and whats not because it won't last. Its up to me to wake up in the morning and decide that its going to be an absolutely amazing day. Don't get me wrong I tend to be an emotional roller coaster, but I think that's okay. Its okay to feel at extremes but realize in a week, month, year, this little bump you have going on right now won't matter. Like at all.
With everything that has been going on lately I needed to step back, and let it be. I needed to appreciate the cycle that's been broken and realize I really am a good person. Despite all the mistakes I've made and people I've hurt, they've all led to this moment right here. And in this moment I'm happy. I still haven't figured out that gut feeling as to why I needed to come here yet... and maybe it was as simple as realizing I have the capability to stay in one place, or maybe I needed to meet all of these people who have had this huge impact in my life, or learn all these lessons that has altered my view of life, mature even. But no matter the reason, I'm glad I finally decided to think with my heart, not my head.
I feel like if everyone looked at life this way, they'd be so much happier. I wish everyone could realize just how temporary everything is. I wish people would stop dwelling on things that don't matter and are bringing them down because chances are, it really doesn't matter. It just feels like the end of the world in that moment. But as we've established earlier, moments come and they go and its up to us to make the best of every single one of them.