Chapter closed.

I went out last night and should of had the time of my life; I'm 20 in the fabulous city of New York. I should of had a blast right? But I didn't. Instead I spent my time crushed about the loss of my best friend. He's not here, hes approximately 2,240 miles away, give or take a wrong turn or two. And I'm asking myself: what would fixing things change? Nothing. He's obviously not willing to put in effort so why should I? I need to stop living in what use to be and start living in the now.

I over think everything.

It's truly a curse. 

I keep looking at all the things I'm missing out on back home, that I'm not really able to enjoy what I have right here in front of me. The whole point of me up and moving across the country was to start over, have the past be the past and to reinvent myself, find myself even. I've always been so dependent on other people to make me happy that I've never really been able to be happy with just me.

So this is it. Starting tomorrow bye-bye Facebook, I know it sounds totally pathetic but it's really the only thing that keeps me tied into what goes on back home. Mary is going to change my password, not tell me what it is and press deactivate. So no more looking at my newsfeed and seeing what everyone else is doing, or how they are moving on with their lives without me. Nope. I'm done with Utah. I'm closing that chapter of my life and yes, it's gonna take some time to really adjust but I know I can do it. I'm so excited to see what this chapter has in store for me. Already this experience has been life altering, I don't ever wanna go home. Wait this is my home now, I don't ever wanna go back to Utah. Not to live anyway. I start school soon, then after that an internship and with the field I'm going into it's here or LA. My future is looking bright and without everything that's happened this last year I never would of gotten this far.

Everything happens for a reason.

If I hadn't moved back from Seattle and ended things with stupid ass, I would of never met faglor. And if I had never met faglor, I wouldn't have met Callie. And if I didn't meet Callie then I would of never gone to that party with Savanna, and if I didn't go to the party, I would of never known about the website that got me this job. It all makes sense now, all that heartbreak and confusion I had to go through last year wasn't for nothing. That there is a plan for me, it brought me here. I'm still writing this chapter, and there is so much more to come. New people to meet, new places to go, college and the rest of my life. I'll keep blogging though, its my way to vent and reflect on every crazy aspect that is my life.